Why You Should Date Me

Disclaimer: This entry does not mean that I want to get with anybody. Just want to be clear on that. I wrote this entry because, it keeps me from losing my sanity here at work. The place where pretending to work equals being productive. This is also supposed to be comical but my sense of humor is as bad as US economy. I am also not a writer; nor do I have the talent to write. In fact, writing is probably my worst. English isn't my first language. Actually, I don't remember what I learned first, whatever.

"Ze moon! Ze June! Ze spoon! C'est l'amour!! C'est toujours!"  - Pepe Le Pew

Dating, it can either be the happiest time of your life or it could also be your worst. In my case, I've had a share of both. Back in my younger days, I had dated around and ended up in relationships that had lasted over a year, a few years at most. Throughout those years, I have gained experience and skills to keep a relationship last longer than most drunken stripper hookups in Vegas. 

Anyways, women always find reasons why they should consider dating this poor schmuck. He’s rich; he’s nice; he’s funny; he’s a jerk. Whatever it is, there’s always a reason.  So yeah, I'm getting off topic and you're probably not going to read all that crap above. I mean, I wouldn't. So I should probably just list my self made reasons on why a girl should date me.

• Once a month; for 4 days to a week; I get super nice and accommodating. During this time, I will take a very substantial amount of unwarranted shit and mistreatment from the people I like and care about the most. I will do all of this with a :) on my face. Also, during this period (seewhatididthere.jpg) of time, I will for some inexplicable reason always have an electronic heating pad on my person
• I absolutely HATE arguing. Arguments usually lead to me wanting to take a shit with all the back and forth yelling. So if and when we do get to an argument, I'll probably concede your point, hug, and walk away. Then most likely ask for make up sex. Make up sex is like the best sex next to normal sex. Actually, sex is great. SEX.
• I'm your average Joe. Oh, that doesn’t sound appealing? Well think about it, dating an average Joe means you don’t have to worry about other women trying to rape your drunken hubby. Yes, guys can get raped too!
• I was told I'm an obedient drunk to women, except when I blackout. I mean, how could I be obedient if I’m unconscious.  

• I'm a peace kind of guy. Women dig peacekeepers right?
• I grow patches of hair... Yes everywhere.... So you probably won't have a problem with me looking like the sasquatch.  
• I'm great with moms.
• I’m not clingy. So you don’t have to worry about me sticking to you like a leech.
• You like Justin Bieber? Okay! I'll pretend to like that kid. *sigh*
• You like Twilight? Okay! I don’t judge.
• I can cook. YES DAMN IT I CAN. Only for you though. I hate you doubters.
• I don’t speak to any of my ex’s anymore. You won’t ever have to deal with my crazy ex's. Yes they are crazy beyond crazy. They're the “poke a hole in my condom” crazy type. Trust, you don’t want to deal with that crap.
• I look my best in the morning. Chances are, you probably look your worst in the morning. It's okay though, if I look good in the morning, then in reality you don't look as bad as you think. Does that make any sense? Probably not.
• I'm horrible at ironing clothes. So when you have a bad day, or you feel inadequate, call me up and I'll iron clothes with you. This may make you feel better. You'll probably outclass me and feel superior that you are better at ironing. The more you feel superior, the less inadequate you'll feel. Right?
• I'm very good at "Googling" things. You hate this person and you want to screw with their life but don't know where he/she lives? Just give me a name and a few info I can find it for you!
• /context/ I’m easy to feed; you can put anything in my mouth. /end context/

Most of these are true and some are made up, maybe... maybe it's all true, who knows. The only way to find out is to date me. right? :)